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| Hello xanga world! haven't seen you since the dat b4 my bday! thats like 2 months ago! So whats new with you xanga?! You look the same...
ANYWAYS! Merry Christmas & Happy 2007..I'll post pictures next time, when its NOT 1 something a.m. I just need to tire out my brain so it will let me sleep! So whats new with me?! ummmm I don't know?! nothing really! heheh THE END! end of blog!
Well its been a very tough end of the year for me! Probably the ugliest time since like end of high school days! But whatever its in the "past" I'd rather not recall all the frustration and pain! But something that has been re-brought to my attention is...you know how when you feel weak, you pray for God to give u strength or to break u?! Anyways, when you pray to be broken, God truly BREAKS you...things might even get WORSE for you. Cuz He's not just gonna MAGICALLY give you strength to endure any situation....He'll give you harder times that you can GROW and learn to ENDURE from by relying on Him. I guess you can look at it as thickening the callouses of your heart and mind.
Anyways God, You alone know the plans you want for me...help me to trust in You and help me to move towards Your plans. For now I still don't understand Your intentions for all these trials n confusion, but anything You give me is something You know I can handle n time will reveal the true purpose for all this...I will take comfort in that.
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| Oh how I wish there could be a way I could just shoot around and play bball all day long none stop right now! Something about it helps me relieve any thoughts about anything and everything! Anybody know of a place?! I'm willing to pay any price! hehehe!
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| Working a 9-5 job is definitely something I can't do for the rest of my life it seems! I've had a taste of it for a month now and I know it's not for me! Not saying that I don't like my current job because I do. Just for me, it's only a means to an end, only that the end seems so far away! It's frustrating doing things only because you know it leads to other things and those other things are what you ACTUALLY want to do.
After serving in YFC for so many years, one of the main things I've discovered about myself is that nothing in life feels accomplishing or satisfying if it's not helping anyone else other than myself. This is probably why I know I can't do a 9-5 forever cuz it seems like it's so 1 purposed: make money...It's a different case if I had a family to feed or whatever...but right now I don't! hehe! Plus there's ways to feed the family outside of working a 9-5!
Since conference, personally, I feel so stagnant in my service. Thats what's great about a ministry like YFC, it provides avenues that are given to you to serve God and serve others! Only problem now, is that, since there's no more YFC for me it seems, I'm trying to find my own avenues to serve in! Trying to FIND ways to serve is so much harder than it simply being GIVEN to you. Yes God does give me ways to serve everyday by simply being a good brother to everyone that crosses my path. But it's embedded in me to want to make a big difference.
Anyways I have NO IDEA where I'm going with this! hehehe! When I write things down it helps me to clear my thoughts! One thing does come to mind....
Oh that You would bless me indeed, and enlarge my territory, that
Your hand would be with me, and that You would keep me from evil, that
I may not cause pain!
-Prayer of Jabez | | |
| Have you ever had those times where nothing was going wrong but everything felt so....ummm for a lack of a better word....constant?! It's like...your not going backwards...but your not going forwards either! heheh Anyways I woke up this morning and I had one of those! heheh I didn't really feel like going to work and I thought...OHHHH another day of "constantism" hehehe!!!
Anyhoo...on my way to church this morning like as I was walking up to the front of the church.... I think God hit me with a really simple reality!! hehehe!! I recall this homily that Ft. McKee made where, in short, he spoke bout how when we get sick...we complain how we want to get better....but when we're better we never thank God we're all good! hehehe you know what mean?!?! Anyways got me thinking how I should be grateful that I have a job, great family and friends, health, time in the morning to celebrate mass, a new KITTY (HAPPY 2mth Anniversary!), etc!...like despite my feeling of "constantism" there's so much that I can be grateful for but I don't realize it...
I think we tend to look at what's going wrong too much, instead of what we have thats going right...you know?! OH MAN k I gotta go to work!! heheheheh ummmm I'll finish this later! hehehe
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BACK!! heheh soooo where was I!?!??!?!?! OH YES...so ya I think we tend to look at what goes wrong as opposed to what does go right! Anyways, I was thinking 'bout how, if you really think about it...there's no real reason to be feeling sad, upset, unsatisfied, etc....cuz we're already "complete" the way God made us and in what He's given us! Like we're already VERY LUCKY that we are able to feel His love! Imagine how a lot of people choose not to even think He exists! heheh! To think about how much LOVE their missing out in their lives as it is at the moment!! Anyways I think the goal is to be satisfied with in God alone (which can be tough!) and to be grateful in all the goodness He's given us!!!
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| First off! I'd like to say HAPPY BIRTHDAY to Belle!!! Happy 20th Bday!! no more being a teen for you!! God bless you and your year! Continue to be that amazing sister that you are to everyone that you encounter! Love you lots! 
So lately in my prayer time, it has always been coming back to this one thing, asking for guidance!...I swear...right now I'm like the "lossest" guy in the world! heheh...actually I shouldn't say that, I have a pretty set plan...but its more like...I'm in a time of my life where I can actually START my plan...It sorta freaks me out!!
The way I think and what I do, tends to always go against the typical way that most people do things, which brings about 2 possibilities...either I fail miserably and have to start from sratch or I make it through and succeed in the plans that I feel are meant for me! But honestly it's scary...I've always felt that I was meant to do something different and special (everyone is) and no matter what, I believe I can accomplish watever with God...but mannnn the fear! heheh...I mean AMONGST sooo many other things that I fear and that I'm fighting to get stronger with, I pray that I never let fear screw up the doors that God has laid down for me (and I know I've done that in the past for sure!)
So I pray for guidance and OBEDIENCE to accept whatever u give me, whether or not I like it....Your will be done, not mine...This life of mine, Lord, belongs to You!
"So I throw my life upon all that You are, Cause I know You gave it all for me, And when all else fades, My soul will dance with You, Where the love lasts forever."
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